


It's Okay To Be Sad Sometimes

by wekingsandprettythings



Series: Small Stories [11]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fear of Death, Fluff, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, brief suicide attempt mentioned, i was sad and this is what you get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wekingsandprettythings/pseuds/wekingsandprettythings
Summary: Phil reads that an old friend lost their spouse recently and he can't help but think of losing his one day.





	It's Okay To Be Sad Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> i write sad things when i'm sad, i'm sorry

Phil didn’t open his facebook often, sometimes he did just to mindlessly scroll through all the terrible puns and recipes his old friends were posting. He’d leave the occasional birthday message or look at his memories that were all him and Dan. 

But sometimes, he’d log on to see a friends parent had passed. Wishing them well and leaving his condolences, it broke his heart to think that he’d have to lose the people he loved the most in his life the one day. But he didn’t normally let that get to him. Not till today. 

His old friend Melanie who lived on his street growing up had posted a photo of her, her husband and their 3 small children with a caption about how her husband had suddenly passed away. A brain aneurysm no one could see coming took the love of her life and the father of her children in the middle of the night. Phil found himself hysterically crying by the time he finished reading the post. He was sat alone in their kitchen just reading all the posts of condolences and crying harder. 

He placed his phone down on the counter, he knew he was getting softer with age. More things were making him cry and he didn’t know why. Maybe life had finally caught up to him. He wasn’t a small boy who believed in magic and fairytales anymore. People got sick and died and left this world every day, and even though it had only hit close to home a few times, he’d never felt this much sadness from someone's death before. And he didn’t even know the man. 

A man he did know however was just down the hall, sound asleep still in their bedroom, peaceful and alive. He abandoned his coffee and went back to him. Sliding under the sheets he wrapped himself around Dan as tight as he could, not caring if he woke him up. He was still crying, his face was wet and his breathing was still rather erratic. 

Dan huffed at being awake, he managed to break Phil’s grip and roll over to face him. He didn’t open his eyes, he just snuggled into his neck, pressing his forehead to Phil’s cheek lightly. He pulled back rather quick and looked up at Phil. 

“What’s wrong?” he panicked with squinted eyes, startled and barely awake. 

“My friends husband died.” he whispered, crying harder and gripping him tighter once more. 

Dan shushed him, snaking an arm under Phil to hold him closer and rock him gently. “What friend?” he asked softly.

“Melanie.” he whispered back in his sobs. “I didn’t even know him but I feel so emotional today it’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset.” Dan reminded him, like he always did when Phil was upset. He always told him that he was valid and it was okay to show his feelings. 

Phil never wanted to seem weak around Dan. He sometimes felt like he had to be the strong one, that Dan would need him and he’d feel even worse if he was having a bad day on top of Dan’s bad days. He felt ashamed to be weak for so long, but Dan was coaxing him out of that. A lot of the time it was with long winded speeches on toxic masculinity and how men should be allowed to be “weak” but the rest of the time it was like this, with Phil in his arms while he whispered that he was okay. 

“I don’t want to lose you.” he huffed out, bawling harder than he thought he would. 

His tears running down his face, onto Dan’s neck and running to the pillow’s below them. His breath was shaky, he couldn’t calm down, his chest was shaking as he heaved though the tears. He’d never cried that hard in his whole life and he didn’t even know why. Dan just rubbed his back and shushed him. He didn’t say anything. 

Phil wasn’t calming down anytime soon. It felt oddly like the panic attack he once had when Dan was being cryptic and wouldn’t answer the phone in 2009. And that made him cry more. He really could never lose Dan. he was the love of his life, his best friend, his other half, his soulmate. He was his everything. 

When he really was having a hard time calming down he pushed Dan off and away, sitting up and holding his chest as he cried. His breaths were rigid and his intakes of air were stuttered. He couldn’t breathe. Dan was rubbing his back, “breathe come on.” he whispered. 

“You’re okay I’m right here.” he reminded him. “Breathe while i count out, in for seven out for ten.”

Dan counted and Phil tried his hardest to match the movements of his lungs. It took 6 rounds of breathing for him to fully calm down. Looking at Dan with swollen eyes and smudged glasses. He let out one last deep breath. “I’m sorry.” he whispered. 

“It’s fine Phil, we all need a good cry sometimes.” Dan spoke ever so softly to him. 

Dan had a hand on Phil’s leg, rubbing a circle with his thumb over and over. He put a hand on the back of Phil’s neck and pulled him in. “It’s scary.” he whispered. 

“Believe me I know.” Dan comforted him. “When my depression first got bad and my anxiety hit me like a truck, I was so scared of random inevitable things. I’d sit in my room and cry for hours about possible things that I didn’t have to worry about.” he explained. 

“I remember.” Phil said. “I feel like shit today, I don’t know why it got to me.” 

“Cause it sucks, and it’s inevitable and you love me a lot.” Dan reminded him, still rubbing his back. 

“I do.” Phil said, pulling back to kiss Dan on the lips. He watched Dan lick his lips right after, the saltiness of Phil’s tears on him now. “Never leave me.” 

“I never plan to.”


End file.
